Random advice from a random person on the internet, possibly affecting your life decisions ... take this for what it's worth.

You need to decide what you want to accomplish. If things can be changed, would you want this job anyway? If you do want this job (assuming it can be saved/fixed) then what is it that needs to be changed?

Your point 6 nails it - as I see it you need to go to the CEO and say that while your title is "manager", your "team" is actually going to and taking direction from the CEO. As a result, you say, you are unable to do the job.

Now you need to make the decision as to what you want, or you can simply leave it up to them. Choose:

* Say that you require the authority as well as the responsibilities, so your team must only take direction from you, except in exceptional circumstances which must then be confirmed by you;

* Say that since you are not given the authority of a manager then you require that you return to being a member of the team;

* Give them the choice between the above two options, and that whatever is agreed must include written confirmation of the separation of duties.

But you must decide what it is you want to achieve. Yes, it would be a PITA to relocate again, but as it stands you will be miserable, in danger of being "let go" regardless, and have no control. If you do take control of your own destiny, at least you will have some control!

You have the title of manager. That doesn't just mean that you tell your team what to do, it also means that you must manage your relationship with your manager - the CEO. Perhaps even start by saying that you are keen to make a success of your position, you need their assistance and guidance, and that to do your job properly you must be given the authority. To phrase it like that means they demonstrate power by giving you the control you need.

FWIW. As I say, random advice from a random stranger on the internet.

Thanks for the advice. You're not saying anything revolutionary, but it's good to hear some perspective from the outside. I'm in a place where I think having the needed conversation could be pretty volatile. A bridge burning situation. And I guess that answers all my questions.

Honestly and with all due respect, show the CEO you are the manager he asked you to be. Tell him, exactly what you wrote here in this post. One by one and let him hear the words and answer you back.

If you can't meet the imposed date you need to be upfront and ASAP. Don't let missing the ship date ruin your reputation.

Your wife and kids will be fine if you need to find other work. If I were in your shoes and the face to face didn't go well I would start looking. By not going well I mean the CEO doesn't see your concerns as issues.

Thanks for the advice. Regarding the imposed date, every single time it comes up, I push back, saying "I have not, and cannot, make a promise that we can deliver by that date." The fact that the date keeps resurfacing in our conversations tells me this person isn't listening.

"I have not, and cannot, make a promise that we can deliver by that date."

You might mean that as "I've been given 6 months. I expect to need 12 months if everything goes perfectly and there are no surprises. With surprises, 15-18 months seems realistic." but you haven't communicated that.

It's likely that the CEO is hearing "I can't guarantee six months... We'll be cutting it close." and s/he is keeping the bullseye at 6 months and expecting it to take seven. Or maybe s/he thinks that they can rein the scope back in (if necessary) with a month remaining and hit the deadline.

Be explicit with your concerns.

Thank you.

> Honestly and with all due respect, show the CEO you are the manager he asked you to be.

This. You've already been given the title, now be the manager.