Get a hobby. Start going to a place where people practice it. I'm over 30 and board games work well for me. Most people I play with are younger. The oldest of us, resembling the one from French Connection, is a former programmer(?) and regularly mops the floor with other players, often at games he's playing for the first time. I heard he attends dancing lessons too.
I think it's a matter of getting your priorities right and not neglecting work/life balance. My brother is a devops rather obsessed with career, progress, income, has wife and kids. If he sends you a message it's usually because he's about to follow up with something he needs of you. If he calls it's usually past 20:00 and he's not interesting in listening to you... then when he finishes talking he says he no longer has time. He regularly takes his work home. If he has a single friend, I'm not aware of that. He doesn't read, doesn't watch movies, no longer plays games. Doesn't appear to be interested in anything but work.
My simple principle is work to live, not live to work. Work should enable decent living and a lifestyle where I can occasionally travel at my own will, buy some fancy items and eat well. If the workplace regularly organizes parties or sends people on delegations, I'll look for another one. My brother says I could stockpile money much faster abroad. Stockpile... for what? Time is the resource you can't replace.
It seems you might be rationalizing your lower-income a bit. Let me try to explain why. I agree about the work-life balance, but at 30 you're in the best shape you'll ever be: physically & mentally. In my opinion there is some sense in sacrificing a bit of the present in order to make the future more palatable. Especially at the age of 30. A bit of extra effort at this age can save a lot of trouble down the road. Granted you can take this to the extreme and be like your brother. But I've seen so many miserable people in their 50s at my workplace, living paycheck to paycheck, buy all kinds of useless trinkets and always talking about their next 'adventure' - a holiday to some expensive resort on the other side of the globe or something.
I don't want to live like that at 50. I am willing to sacrifice some of my present time & enjoyment to avoid that.
There are some things you can't do (or are much more difficult) once you reach retirement, such as some physically demanding activities. You can either live life while life is worth living, or you can waste your prime accumulating wealth you can't take with you at the end and aren't healthy enough to enjoy to the fullest.
Not everyone measures their happiness by the balance in their bank account. These "miserable people" might be genuinely enjoying their "useless" trinkets and adventures. If it's not for you - OK, but don't judge other people like that. Contrary, I know plenty of older, rich people that worked hard their whole life and are still miserable, because they are missing the time they could have spent with the loved ones (especially when they pass away) or didn't do things they enjoy.
What they're trying to say is, if you work in a job you don't like and pace through work from one holiday to the next, you're basically missing out on life.
I mean, how much holidays do you have? In Germany for every holiday week you work five weeks.
What makes you think that they are missing life? They might as well work in a position they are not overly enthusiastic about, but earn enough to meet their lifestyle and enjoy their life after 5pm back at home with loving family or working in a garden. How that's worse than working your ass off 80h per week, earn a lot of money, but then be a rich 50 year old with no family and no friends? I mean, how can you even objectively compare such things? Choose whichever way and lifestyle works for you and brings most happiness, but don't judge people that choice other ways.
> But I've seen so many miserable people in their 50s at my workplace, living paycheck to paycheck, buy all kinds of useless trinkets and always talking about their next 'adventure' - a holiday to some expensive resort on the other side of the globe or something.
I'm not sure why you were downvoted. I disagree with this viewpoint on life, but it's an interesting perspective.
There's some evidence that spending money on experiences over things leads to greater happiness in the long term (think building memories rather than wealth):
It's possible that the people you think are miserable are not, or maybe are just miserable at work and actually have a happy life overall.
The other problem with sacrificing too much of the present for the future is that you can't predict the future very easily. For example, my father died about two weeks after retiring.
My short term goal: be financially independent so I can pull my own weight, and can spend part of free time doing silly stuff.
My long term goal: advance in a job that is neither too stressful nor too boring, which pays well until my retirement. I think programmers can do that, as long as they keep learning. This is so I can keep repeating my short term goal in future, including saved up money for emergencies.
letsgetphysITal pretty much nailed it. Why, yes, low income is even an understatement. I'm unemployed and actively looking for work. Contrary to what some of my associates believe, I'm not lazy, I'm unemployed mostly due to depression and some past traumas. It's surprisingly hard to find motivation in such situation, but I don't want to bother you with my mental health. I'm pretty sure I'm going to find work soon, considering I'm getting lots of job interviews and have a very cynical book about interview questions.
In best shape... for what ? To produce value to my company ? Certainly. But my employer is not the most important thing in the world. I only spend one evening (4 hours) per week playing board games. We also have extra meetings - one saturday per month. But I skipped this saturday because I felt obligated to spend the time preparing for 2 job interviews. It's my conscience kicking in, my worries about uncertain future. I want to earn enough so I have the peace of mind to meet people more often, read books, shoot bow, travel on (some)weekends and holidays.
Besides, who am I going to hang around with when I'm 50? Old curmudgeons ? People who don't work out ? Ladies well past their prime ? People afraid to try new things, afraid of change ? People like that often don't have much energy left. When their knees are creaking, eyes don't see as well, memory fails. I want to be in a very good shape and with lots of developed hobbies when I reach that point. I want to have cultivated friendships at that point. Invariably some of them will marry, have kids and decide friends are a waste of time. My point is not to buy friends now and save them for later, but to learn the skill of making friends.
I understand my brother is very well off financially. He has a nice car (he likes to emphasize), nice flat, earns a lot and recently got a raise. His kids have lots of toys, are sent to camping trips, chess tournaments for juniors, swimming contests. Yet when we have a family gathering, he spends most of his time at his laptop, monitoring stuff and watching for alerts. His kids don't care when they are given something, but are very eager to play with someone. Simple kid stuff, like playing tag, chasing, hide&seek. Parents, at least the father, want kids to read... but my nephews see they don't read. The boy has some emotional issues, he can play computer games for days if you don't stop him, will install games on other peoples' smartphones and overlook their passwords so he can have one more fix. He's positioned to become another out of shape, antisocial nerd like I used to be.
Naturally, because I'm unemployed, he won't even let me even open my mouth, much less consider what I say. I don't even try anymore.
When I hear him talking about kids, it's almost invariably that they misbehave. Not that they're visiting X or Y with kids or had a funny talk or something. And the kids seem a bit too eager to play with anyone, as if no one spends much time with them. Does my brother only work late on holidays? To me it sounds they're managing their kids, not raising them. Maybe I'm bad at judging people, but I don't see much joy in that family.
Anyway I think this is a bit sad. Ancient Greeks valued friendship more than love. Friends are often for life, while lovers are all too happy to switch when someone more attractive shows up.
It definitely sounds like you have something against your brother by the way you have portrayed him in a negative light. It sounds like you are competitive against him by constantly comparing his lifestyle versus yours.
I think it's a matter of getting your priorities right and not neglecting work/life balance. My brother is a devops rather obsessed with career, progress, income, has wife and kids. If he sends you a message it's usually because he's about to follow up with something he needs of you. If he calls it's usually past 20:00 and he's not interesting in listening to you... then when he finishes talking he says he no longer has time. He regularly takes his work home. If he has a single friend, I'm not aware of that. He doesn't read, doesn't watch movies, no longer plays games. Doesn't appear to be interested in anything but work.
My simple principle is work to live, not live to work. Work should enable decent living and a lifestyle where I can occasionally travel at my own will, buy some fancy items and eat well. If the workplace regularly organizes parties or sends people on delegations, I'll look for another one. My brother says I could stockpile money much faster abroad. Stockpile... for what? Time is the resource you can't replace.