Name one payment processor that (1) doesn’t require users link a bank account, (2) takes deposits, and (3) issues a token in their own denomination based on those deposits that’s pegged to a mystery “diversified global currency reserve” to be invented at a later date/altered to suit Facebook’s needs.

It kind of sounds like it’s a money market account to me. Minus all the pesky regulation, of course. Like the required banking license to offer those in the US.