I know exactly how you feel. If I really contemplate death -- not the act of dying, but of being dead, the infinite nothing, it takes my breath away. I strongly, strongly recommend you avoid thinking such thoughts at 2 AM, by the way.
Objectively, I know it won't hurt any more than before I was born, and it won't really be infinite nothing because to experience that I'd have to have consciousness, which I won't have. But it really is difficult for me to really grasp the concept of my own non-existence.
On a related note, sometimes I feel pangs of great sorrow when I look out on the world and realize I will one day not be able to experience this. Looking off into the hills, at the trees, the mountains, nature -- is so strikingly beautiful, that I can't imagine being deprived of it. Not exactly a rational fear, since again you can't feel the deprivation if you don't exist. But it strikes at odd times, just like grief for my dad, or my brothers, and in some ways it feels like shades of the same feeling.
Sorry I've got nothing witty to say, but you are definitely not the only person to have such thoughts. I hope you find a way to keep them from tormenting you too much. I've mostly managed to cure the 2AM habit of staring into the abyss, which is a step in the right direction.
Objectively, I know it won't hurt any more than before I was born, and it won't really be infinite nothing because to experience that I'd have to have consciousness, which I won't have. But it really is difficult for me to really grasp the concept of my own non-existence.
On a related note, sometimes I feel pangs of great sorrow when I look out on the world and realize I will one day not be able to experience this. Looking off into the hills, at the trees, the mountains, nature -- is so strikingly beautiful, that I can't imagine being deprived of it. Not exactly a rational fear, since again you can't feel the deprivation if you don't exist. But it strikes at odd times, just like grief for my dad, or my brothers, and in some ways it feels like shades of the same feeling.
Sorry I've got nothing witty to say, but you are definitely not the only person to have such thoughts. I hope you find a way to keep them from tormenting you too much. I've mostly managed to cure the 2AM habit of staring into the abyss, which is a step in the right direction.