> I encourage (well, almost enforce, or insist on) a bit of small-talk and socialization at the beginnings of all my meetings.
We have an executive who insists on doing this, too, and it's universally hated. You can't force small talk, and when he does, it just makes things awkward for everyone.
It's even worse when he tries to force the issue by singling someone out with a small-talky question like your example "How was your daugher's birthday". The person being singled out is then in the hotseat and the discomfort in their voice while they scramble to come up with an answer is palpable. It's like being put on public display.
I should be clear that I'm not like, putting this on the agenda.
Client workshops are usually relatively small -- say, 4 to 8 people. Training classes are bigger, but usually no more than a dozen or so because it gets unwieldy.
I make sure I open the meeting a little early, and as people trickle in I make small talk. As more people join, this grows organically. I'm typically going to be working with a given set of people for weeks or months, so it's not at all weird to have these conversations, and we absolutely would be having them if we were in person.
>It's even worse when he tries to force the issue
I am not a moron, nor am I interested in making anyone uncomfortable, so the idea that I would use this approach to try and force someone to answer a given question when they're not interested in interacting is ludicrous. This isn't how normal humans operate.
I wasn't accusing you of doing as this exec does, honest. I was just pointing out that we have an exec (the CEO, unfortunately) who is coming from the same place as you are, but is doing it in a way that puts everyone on guard and makes meetings even more uncomfortable than they otherwise would be.
It's worth noting that the CEO is operating from a position that I absolutely do not have: everyone in that room works for him. I'm always an outside consultant. Nobody in the rooms I lead reports to me, so there's nothing loaded about making small talk.
I have definitely seen management, and in particular upper management, fail to realize how alienating a faux just-folks presentation can be.
We have an executive who insists on doing this, too, and it's universally hated. You can't force small talk, and when he does, it just makes things awkward for everyone.
It's even worse when he tries to force the issue by singling someone out with a small-talky question like your example "How was your daugher's birthday". The person being singled out is then in the hotseat and the discomfort in their voice while they scramble to come up with an answer is palpable. It's like being put on public display.