One thing this article doesn't bring up but I have observed in myself since quitting social media about 4 years ago is the pain of living in a world where nobody holds the same values as you do anymore.
Yes, all these benefits will come to you from opting out of social media. You'll grow, learn and appreciate your own life more, and at the same time feel more and more isolated from the world around you.
You'll find you want to dig in deeper and connect with people in a more meaningful way - but there's nobody on the other end of that line. The people you try to forge connections with are empty shells: "These days, no one wants you – your physical company. People are aiming towards your attention and your credit card." Friends are accessories and only worth the prestige or social clout they afford you. My own ex-wife got angry at me when I initially quit social media, because in her mind if something wasn't out there for everyone to witness then it didn't really exist. I wasn't allowed to have a private relationship with my own spouse.
The most frustrating thing about this is the realization that you can't change this.
You can write articles like this, you can share it with your loved ones and friends, and they'll nod and agree that social media is bad and that they value real relationships, then close the tab and hit up Facebook again. The toxicity of social media is really something that comes from a realization in yourself that the life you're leading isn't fun, isn't enjoyable and isn't fulfilling. It's not something you can really show someone.
You'll grow to love yourself and be constantly disappointed in others. The healthy thing to do is to let these relationships decay into whatever they're going to be rather than fight the tide and try to connect to people who don't want to connect. My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care.
> My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care.
Sorry to be blunt, but I think if one leaves social media and sees their friend circle shrink, I've got bad (or maybe good) news for them: Those people weren't really your friends.
Part of the problem is with how we define "friends" now. A friend used to be someone who you could ask for advice on a very personal issue, borrow a tool from, someone who could watch your kids while you were gone, someone who will visit you if you're sick and dying. Today, "friend" has morphed into this nebulous thing: one of five thousand usernames of people (or bots) in a Social Media database, who simply chose to click a "follow" button. The corruption of the meaning of the word "friend" was the biggest casualty of social media. It's now this abstraction that may or may not have anything to do with friendship. A Social Media Friend doesn't even necessarily like you, and you don't even necessarily like them.
How many of those abstract friend-like entities in that Facebook list would give you an actual old-school phone call or snail-mail if you were dying of cancer? Those are your real friends. The rest of those people are merely entries in a database that we increasingly confuse for a social circle.
Afaik, in English friend was always anyone you was at good terms with. "This is my friend, John" never implied super close relationship. It could be a guy from high school you haven't seen 7 years.
The other thing is that people organize tool borrowing and mutual help on social media now. Even close knit groups who helps each other a lot do it there. When you leave social media, you also left group. Just like in old times not showing up anymore in that common tavern meant leaving the group.
It is an awesome thing to lower (or eliminate entirely) your social media usage. To begin "doing", creating, and being in the present moment with yourself. It's liberating, and after the odd "brain itch" feeling wears off from not using social media anymore, I truly did recognize a state of contentedness that I'd long not felt.
But then you go to visit your family and friends. They begin talking about that viral video they shared on Facebook. About the funny TikTok challenges that they are all doing. About the latest internet fad that they got interested in over the last week.
And suddenly, you are an outsider. No one cares about that poem you wrote last week. Or if they do, they don't discuss the content of the poem or its meaning -- they tell you to start an Instagram page and start building an audience. They tell you to start that Youtube channel so you can maybe monetize that creative spark inside you.
It's very isolating.
I know there are many people out there who aren't on social media and share the same thoughts/experiences as me, but unfortunately, those people are not most the people I'm close with. Or even aware of.
Instead, most people are exactly like most people: living online.
Yes, all these benefits will come to you from opting out of social media. You'll grow, learn and appreciate your own life more, and at the same time feel more and more isolated from the world around you.
You'll find you want to dig in deeper and connect with people in a more meaningful way - but there's nobody on the other end of that line. The people you try to forge connections with are empty shells: "These days, no one wants you – your physical company. People are aiming towards your attention and your credit card." Friends are accessories and only worth the prestige or social clout they afford you. My own ex-wife got angry at me when I initially quit social media, because in her mind if something wasn't out there for everyone to witness then it didn't really exist. I wasn't allowed to have a private relationship with my own spouse.
The most frustrating thing about this is the realization that you can't change this.
You can write articles like this, you can share it with your loved ones and friends, and they'll nod and agree that social media is bad and that they value real relationships, then close the tab and hit up Facebook again. The toxicity of social media is really something that comes from a realization in yourself that the life you're leading isn't fun, isn't enjoyable and isn't fulfilling. It's not something you can really show someone.
You'll grow to love yourself and be constantly disappointed in others. The healthy thing to do is to let these relationships decay into whatever they're going to be rather than fight the tide and try to connect to people who don't want to connect. My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care.
It's lonely out there.