> If they tried to have kids and were not able to then they failed. There is no "understanding" of the word where that's not true.

"They failed" does have some connotation of culpability though, doesn't it? I mean, the phrase certainly is sometimes used in situations where nobody would understand it as implying any blame; but, on the other hand, there are many other cases in which it is used in a blaming way, and those other cases contribute to its connotations.

> And people get upset or offended by anything, it's really not useful trying to shut down discussion by claiming you shouldn't say or think something because allegedly some hypothetical people might get upset.

I'm not trying to shut down anything. I'm just attempting to produce an explanation of why some people, rightly or wrongly, actually are upset (which is rather apparent from other comments on this post.)

> "They failed" does have some connotation of culpability though, doesn't it? I mean, the phrase certainly is sometimes used in situations where nobody would understand it as implying any blame; but, on the other hand, there are many other cases in which it is used in a blaming way, and those other cases contribute to its connotations.

It usually does have some, yes. For example if you are infertile through some fault of your reproductive system, then that is to blame for your inability to have children.

> I'm not trying to shut down anything. I'm just attempting to produce an explanation of why some people, rightly or wrongly, actually are upset (which is rather apparent from other comments on this post.)

I think they're just vicariously upset. Either way I wasn't wondering about them. Just correcting a misconception about the use of a word.