Gender dysphoria is easy to shove down if you're in an environment where others around you won't be accepting. It's unsurprising that blue states have a lot more REPORTED trans people.
However, the general internet culture of teenagers misdiagnosing medical disorders means that there is indeed too many of the wrong people receiving gender affirming care.
In regards to the biological male thing, no sane person would say that this is transphobic. Attraction has many factors, it's just being mean about it to trans men that is hurtful, not "not being attracted to them," which is normal imo.
I am not sure of where you hang, who you know, but it is absolutely a trend in trans-politics right now that gay biological men only dating biological males is considered transphobic. It also applies to lesbians who refuse to accept transwomen as lesbian and essentially a new branch of feminism has been formed, dubbed 'terf'(trans-excluding radical feminist). It's the latest thing right now in gay politics world and its splitting the community up very quickly.
It's a ridiculous concept. As a gay man I prefer bio male partners because not only do I like everything that comes with being a man (ie male behaviour) which a trans guy often has (but not always), but I love penis; and I love the flexibility that often comes with a male partner in that regard. Pretty simple.
If that's transphobic then surely as a gay man I'm a misogynist for not wanting female partners as well.
Yeah, I am going out on a limb and I'm going to say that "you're never obligated to have sex with someone or pretend you're attracted to them" is probably the mainstream opinion of the vast majority of transgender people.
It's the Internet, I'm not going to say that nobody feels that way, but... I mean, the LGBTQ+ movement is not traditionally a fan of the argument "pretend you're attracted to someone." That was historically a pretty big issue for them. So it's certainly not an argument that I run into, but I'm sure it's popped up on forums before.
I have seen some conversations talking about the degree to which the question of "are they datable" reveals some level of both societal transphobia and serves to reinforce gendered roles and expectations about women. I've seen people suggest that an aversion to dating transgender men/women might be something to self-examine, the same way that an aversion to dating Asians would be. But that's a very far cry from saying that someone should be obligated to date someone even though they're not attracted to them.
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TERFs are... well, that's a different subject. I think a lot of it is exclusion and community policing of gender norms and gender alignment dressed up as feminism. That would have to be a longer conversation, but it's hard for me to understand what the "feminist" angle is of a philosophy that often strays into biological essentialism; and I've seen even cisgender women get caught in the cross-fire of communities deciding whether they present too masculine or work out just slightly too often and are therefore worthy of suspicion. I don't want to paint with too broad of a brush, but I don't think TERFs are as a whole are tearing down gender norms; I think they're reinforcing them.
It's curious how often when I read TERF literature that it falls into this trap of describing men and women as almost different species, and species that are naturally hostile to each other. I very often have to take a step back and check on what I'm reading. If someone had sent me "Pronouns are Rohypnol" before I knew that it was an influential piece, I would have assumed the piece was trying to set up a straw-feminist to tear down. If somebody had sent me passages of "Irreversible Damage" to read without the full context of the entire book, I would have assumed the book was intended primarily to argue for Christian Complementarianism.
But again, much longer conversation to have there.
I am not shocked at all, that for them, allowing men to colonize their personal life is unacceptable. Do these Women not have the right to avoid a penis?
Bathrooms are a messy issue, and personally I'm in favor of a pivot towards individual genderless stalls, but one important thing to consider is that trans women are much more at risk when using the men's room than women are when trans women use the women's. There's also the issue of how you're going to legislate passing trans women from using the women's room.
I also generally dislike TERFs because they're partnering with right wing reactionary groups that might be helping now but don't want women's rights in the end either.
You're talking about body dysmorphia, which can be a component of gender dysphoria but it's not at all the same thing.
Your experience of pain in relation to your body shape is also valid, but it's different than your psychological gender and brain not matching up with your body.
I don't feel anguish over having the body I have, and I don't feel like I would be a better "man" if I had the body of Schwarzenegger. I can honestly say that I am happy with my body; I'm not perfect and I'm not muscular, but I am fairly healthy and I don't have a huge number of complaints about myself. I don't dislike seeing myself and I don't really want to look like a body-builder. Certainly I'm not covering up mirrors in my house.
I would not describe any experience I've had wanting to exercise more or to be able to get away with shaving less often as "painful" and I wouldn't say it gives me mental anguish. Not to say that anyone who says otherwise about themselves is lying, but... I don't know, I'm not sure that's as completely universal or typical as people are suggesting. Maybe if you're in that boat that's something to talk to someone about.
I think body positivity among transgender communities can be a real issue, and there's a huge number of ways that issue can be tackled and there are a number of real conversations to be had about how society reinforces body dysphoria among trans people. My understanding is that self-acceptance is a really big part of being trans and I've seen accounts of transgender people talking about how transitioning was only one part of accepting. And not to make the issue too grey, but I have seen transgender people talk about how self-acceptance and self-acknowledgement of their gender did lesson their dysphoria; that learning to stop saying "I would be gender X if I did Y" and to start saying "I am gender X regardless of whether I do Y" helped them accept their own body more. So of course there's a role for counseling in this.
But that's a conversation that HN is really just not ready to have at all. Looking at this post and looking at the amount of people arguing about whether or not gender dysphoria exists -- I did not realize that was a thing that this community was still debating; that's a pretty large amount of disconnect for this forum to have from the real world. There is room for subtlety and nuance in talking about how self-image affects transgender identity, and if you go into transgender communities, you will see people having that conversation. Genuinely, medically transitioning isn't the right choice for every transgender person and it doesn't magically solve every problem for every person, there is a psychological level of acceptance that needs to happen for a lot of transgender people.
But if you want to have that conversation... I mean, you've got to get the basics out of the way first; you have to be able to understand that there's a difference between general disappointment with your body or goals about your body and full-on dysphoria and disconnection from that body.
It's a little bizarre to read and it reminds me a lot about the conversations that happen sometimes about ADHD. "Everyone has trouble focusing", "everyone gets distracted", "I get distracted all the time constantly and can never follow up on tasks and I feel intense anguish about it and am constantly restless and need to be moving to feel calm and I don't have ADHD" (well maybe you should get that checked, friend). If someone is genuinely feeling dysphoria about their body to the same degree as a transgender person going through puberty, that's not normal and you should talk to someone about it.
It doesn't mean you're transgender or that you need surgery (although there is a lot of gender affirming care that we offer to cisgender people, from laser hair removal to hair growth/plugs, and honestly the assumption that people need to be transgender or have dysphoria to get gender-affirming care is not really accurate in our modern-day society, we spend an intense amount of time in our society consuming products and taking actions that are primarily designed to make ourselves look a certain way). But I want to get across that most people don't have a physical reaction when they see themselves in the mirror. That level of extreme experience is not universal, it's not something that everyone goes through.
Sure, lots of people have aspects of their body that they would change, but... not to that level of extreme. Not to the level where it interferes with their daily life or increases their risk of self-harm.
However, the general internet culture of teenagers misdiagnosing medical disorders means that there is indeed too many of the wrong people receiving gender affirming care.
In regards to the biological male thing, no sane person would say that this is transphobic. Attraction has many factors, it's just being mean about it to trans men that is hurtful, not "not being attracted to them," which is normal imo.