Oh come on, this shit is easy. Why did they say "it is" and not "it's", by the way? To put it that way can't help. So yeah, it's a pipe that can suck, and you push it all over your room, to suck the dust and dirt up off the rugs and such, and in fact off of any low down flat part. One kind can even move on its own! But what I want to say here, in the main, is that you math guys have all lost your grip on how to say any idea in an easy form. You are not able to do it any more, 'cos too much math has made you sick in the head.

Nice one but "'cos" does not go by the rule, I feel. You can use "for" at the same spot but, well, it has a tone you did not go for in your text.

One can also use "as" in that spot, no?

I feel like there's still room to avoid pidgin while making it less awkward, e.g.: "It's a tool that can suck up dust or dirt to make your home more tidy."

This version reminds me of Poetry for Neatherthals (board game).

You have to get others to guess a (typically multi-syllabic) word or phrase, but use only one syllable words to get them there.

"Tool suck dust, make not dirt for walk in home."