Thank you for this post. It’s so obvious in hindsight, but I’ve been struggling for the last couple of years with my day job, especially the last while since I’ve been unmedicated.
In office, I listened to music almost my entire career, it’s the only way I got anything done for whatever reason, to the point I almost got fired once when a manager tried to stop me heading out briefly to pick up a replacement set of headphones when mine broke. I threw a literal tantrum almost, all I knew is I had no music, and that it was essential I did so I could continue doing what I was doing.
For some reason however, when I made a transition in the last few years to WFH, I’ve been living this bizzarely very different approach where I sit in almost complete silence all day long, and it’s the most I’ve ever struggled with my…focus for lack of a better word.
I now truly wonder how much this may have to do with this huge struggle I’ve felt to remain engaged or on task. I’m getting my job done, but 90% of my effort is me having to force myself to get it done rather than…just getting it done like I used too.
I've worked in education and helping kiddos get accomodations and fixtures for their learning has made grow a huge amount of compassion and empathy for myself in this respect.
I think the reality is that this new way of working is still relatively new for human beings. For eons we had more natural, environment based rhythms and then suddenly we're thrust into artificial air and lighting environments staring at papers and now screens.
Our eyes and minds wander to literal infinite spaces on a screen, while our body is sitting in the exact same space (often in the same posture) and we all pretend that "this is normal". But our body keeps score and you can't BS it. It takes its toll.
I too WFH and while my days are somewhat longer, it's only because I do life things while I do work things (as if reality actually has a distinction) and it's better for my mental health.
I sit on a yoga ball, I have an office chair, I do standing desk. There is a beautiful garden behind my screen that constantly beckons me to stop staring into the phony black mirror.
Sorry for the rant, but just know that you're not the weird one. Our systems and processes are the weird ones. And it's our prerogative to find, or construct, better ones for our flourishment.
You have no idea how normal your situation is. At worst, you are as stupid as the rest of us. At least you’re actually able to understand yourself and actually try to tackle your issues. Don’t feel stupid. Most people doesn’t even bother self reflect.
In office, I listened to music almost my entire career, it’s the only way I got anything done for whatever reason, to the point I almost got fired once when a manager tried to stop me heading out briefly to pick up a replacement set of headphones when mine broke. I threw a literal tantrum almost, all I knew is I had no music, and that it was essential I did so I could continue doing what I was doing.
For some reason however, when I made a transition in the last few years to WFH, I’ve been living this bizzarely very different approach where I sit in almost complete silence all day long, and it’s the most I’ve ever struggled with my…focus for lack of a better word.
I now truly wonder how much this may have to do with this huge struggle I’ve felt to remain engaged or on task. I’m getting my job done, but 90% of my effort is me having to force myself to get it done rather than…just getting it done like I used too.
I suddenly feel very stupid.